Blog - Page 26 of 27 - Barbara Frazier

Red Light Days

June 5, 2019
Barbara Frazier
Happiness

There is an ebb and flow to life. Everyday is not the same, and no one feels exactly the same all the time.

On some days, you have a lot more energy and creativity, things seem to flow, and the general feeling is one of sailing through a green light.

Then there are the red light days. We all hate these days. Energy’s low, mood’s blah, everything seems difficult to do, the level of frustration is high, and going back to bed and sleeping until the next day sounds like a really good idea.

Creating “Padspace”

When I leave for my office, it usually takes me about 20 minutes to drive there. If I have an appointment scheduled, I like to be on time, so I allow the 20 minutes.

The real truth, however, is that 20 minutes is cutting it close and only works if there’s no traffic glitches on my driving route. In fact, if there is heavy traffic, a lot of red lights, an active school zone, slow drivers, rain, or anything out of the ordinary, I will be late if I only allow myself 20 minutes.

Walking Increases Creative Thinking

As if there aren’t enough good reasons to walk, Stanford University has come up with another one. A study co-authored by Marily Oppezzo, a Stanford doctoral graduate in educational psychology, and Daniel Schwartz, a professor at Stanford Graduate School of Education, has provided evidence that walking significantly increases creative thinking, or in more scientific terms “creative ideation.”

Who knew! Well, if you’ve had the experience already yourself, you knew. So did I! I get some of my best ideas when I take a walk. Now there’s real scientific evidence to support it.

Be Your Own Best Parent

Do you have a voice in your head that’s overly critical?

I know I do sometimes, and most of the clients I’ve seen over the years have also worked with this nagging, persistent voice that seems to find fault in almost any situation.

Self-criticism is really not a healthy habit, and has an overall destructive effect on your self-image and self esteem. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t observe yourself and make corrections in your behavior when needed.

Keystone Habits

One of the most useful ideas I’ve come across in regard to making changes is the notion of “keystone habits.” This idea is outlined par excellence in the book The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

A keystone habit is one that sets change in motion and initiates the creation of other habits. It’s a starter habit that creates a shift in energy both emotionally and mentally, and sets in motion a domino effect that results in much greater change than was initially intended.

Competition: A Relationship Killer

There are many behaviors that can slowly destroy a relationship, and “competition” is at the top of the list.

Here’s some of the most common ways it’s done:

Keeping a mental list of who does the most, one-upping, being oppositional regardless of the situation, excluding your partner in social settings, comparing assets (both personal and material), and the worst one . . . always turning conversations back to you when your partner needs you to listen.

Listen Up!

One of the biggest complaints that comes up in counseling with couples is the listen vs. fix-it conflict.

Actually, it doesn’t just apply to couples, but to any interaction where one person is venting about something and the other person is listening.

I say listening loosely here, because in many instances, the person on the receiving end is not really listening, but is trying to fix the situation.

Multitasking: Not Really a Good Idea

It’s pretty near impossible to operate on any given day without multitasking.

With the explosion of technology, people have gotten used to talking on a cell phone while driving or walking, sitting at a desk and working on a on something while glancing at email or tracking Facebook, cooking dinner and doing laundry at the same time, or any number of other scenarios that are familiar to us all.

We think multitasking makes us more effective and is a good management strategy, and it would seem that sometimes it is.

The Starter Technique

Last night I was on the couch trying to relax on a Sunday night, but thoughts of work I needed to get done kept intruding in my mental space.

I could put it off until Monday, but I knew that if I did that, my whole day would be thrown off and probably my whole week. It wasn’t hard work at all, but tedious and I just wasn’t in the mood.

Happens all the time doesn’t it?

To Give Advice . . . or Not!

Giving advice is a tricky proposition.

Given for the right reasons under the right circumstances, advice is very beneficial and can help someone to solve a problem. Good advice is a tremendous aid to getting unstuck.

It allows us to gain knowledge we don’t have from someone who’s in the know. It can widen our view of a problem and lift us out of tunnel vision. It can broaden our perspective, and conversely help us narrow in on the real issues to address.

Advice can be wonderful!