When you’re trying to improve your relationship with your partner, it’s easy to focus on the negative stuff. You see all problems that need to be addressed, and your attention naturally goes there.

But . . . if you’re always focused on the problems, chances are you may be increasing the divide between you. There has to be an equal, if not greater emphasis, on what’s right!

It’s a weekday, about 8 or 9 in the evening. You’ve had a long day at work, or a long day with the kids, or both.

You’ve managed to get through the dinner hour. Everyone’s fed, dishes are done, kids are bathed and off to bed, and you’re finally able to relax.

You have this small space of time in the evening that’s yours, and you are soooo looking forward to it!

Someone recently asked me what the single most important factor is to a long-lasting, healthy relationship. Big question!

I can come up with 10 things pretty quickly, but to try and choose one above the rest is difficult. Nevertheless, I’ve come up with one answer which I believe embraces many of the others.

The answer in a word is interest.

There are many behaviors that can slowly destroy a relationship, and “competition” is at the top of the list.

Here’s some of the most common ways it’s done:

Keeping a mental list of who does the most, one-upping, being oppositional regardless of the situation, excluding your partner in social settings, comparing assets (both personal and material), and the worst one . . . always turning conversations back to you when your partner needs you to listen.

There’s a quick way to improve or enhance a relationship.

Very simply, the idea is to catch your partner “doing good.”

Instead of focusing mostly on what you don’t like or what’s not going well, notice things your partner does that you like and verbalize it. In other words, show appreciation. Here’s how to do it.