Blog Short #281: Stop Searching For Your Purpose. Start Seeing It.
Photo by Jonathan Cosens Photography on Unsplash
What’s your purpose in life? That’s a rather intimidating question, isn’t it?
What you’re really asking is:
How do I make a meaningful contribution that justifies being here? And how do I discover it so I can pursue it and, hopefully, achieve it?
Maybe it’s an impressive accomplishment, a specific career choice, or a special calling that’s uniquely yours. It could be.
But what if your purpose isn’t something you need to find or accomplish, but rather something you already have and have been doing all your life without recognizing it?
Let’s explore how to recognize what that thing is. I think you’ll find the answer both enlightening and reassuring. You might even find you have more than one!
We’ll begin with a definition.
What is Purpose?
I came across this definition while listening to Mel Robbins’ interview with Oprah Winfrey. They were talking about finding your purpose, and Mel said:
“Purpose is not the thing that you do. Purpose is the thing that happens in others when you do the thing that you do.”
It’s an interaction, not a static accomplishment.
That sheds a whole different light on the idea.
We usually think of purpose in terms of our achievements, but what’s truly purposeful is the difference someone experiences because of what you do. It might be a new insight, a change in perspective, or simply feeling understood. And that difference is felt.
So, with that definition in mind, let’s go back to our original idea, which is that your purpose is something you already do.
How do you know what that is? To answer that, Oprah tells us to “look for the thread.”
Look for the Thread
Ask yourself this question:
What have I consistently done throughout my life that helps other people?
We all have something we naturally do that shows up wherever we are in life. It’s threaded through our relationships, jobs, careers, and phases of our lives.
You’ve probably not thought about it this way. But when you ask that question, you’ll think of something you’re both good at and naturally do in any setting, often without even being aware of it. You just do it.
For me, it’s to clarify. I help people figure out where they are: what they think, how they feel, what they need, and what’s actually happening. As a result, they feel less confused, sometimes more confident, and better equipped to solve the problem they’re facing.
And I’ve always done it. Even early in life, when friends sought me out to talk about their problems. It comes naturally to me and led me to become a therapist.
Now, apply these questions to yourself.
- What’s the thread that runs through your life?
- What are you good at and naturally do that benefits others?
- What happens to them when you do it?
For some people, it’s to inspire (Oprah) or to encourage (Mel). It might be something more specific, like helping people organize, plan, or manage. An artist may inspire imagination or appreciation of beauty.
Your natural gifts are what you bring to others. Your purpose is the difference those gifts make in their lives.
These aren’t necessarily grand gestures with breathtaking results, but they still have an impact that’s felt.
How to Recognize Your Thread
If the answer doesn’t pop up quickly, try going through these steps.
1. Find What Comes Naturally
Skills are things you acquire through practice, but some come more naturally than others. They may reflect inclinations you’ve had for as long as you can remember.
Think back to your childhood and teen years. What did you like to do? What kinds of activities attracted you?
I’ll give you an example. When I was a kid, one of my favorite things was playing school. I had a blackboard, and I pretended I was a teacher, and I explained things to my pretend class. I loved making things understandable, long before I knew what a therapist was or that I would someday become one.
What about you? What did you play? What subjects did you like in school? How did you interact with friends or teammates? What was your role?
Now, go through your adulthood up to the present, and review those questions again.
Most of us can recognize our thread when we think about it.
But if you’re not sure, ask someone who knows you well. They may recognize something you bring to others that you’ve never noticed about yourself.
2. Notice What Happens to Others
Now that you know what your thread is (or threads if you have several), think about what happens to people when you offer it.
If you’re a listener, do people feel heard, understood, valued, and less isolated when you interact with them?
If your thread is to encourage, do you make people feel more positive about themselves or their pursuits when they’re struggling?
Maybe you’re an organizer. Do people feel less overwhelmed when you help them restore order to their clutter or chaos?
Think of situations you’ve been in where you were able to help someone using your natural gift, and how it impacted them. What changed for them?
You can also watch for it in real time as you go.
The Value
The value of this exercise is to appreciate your unique contribution.
It’s reassuring to recognize that your value isn’t dependent on what you accomplish or how successful you are. It’s not about the goals you check off your list.
It’s about who you are and what you naturally bring to people. It’s something you express.
And in doing so, you experience a true sense of belonging. Of mattering. Of knowing that your presence makes a difference.
An Aid to Your Vocation
Recognizing your natural purpose can help you approach your career or vocation, wherever you are currently.
You may recognize which aspects of your work best align with your natural gifts.
And if you don’t feel you’re in the right place yet, you can still share your abilities right now. You can find some aspect of your job that aligns with your purpose, even as you look for something better, if need be.
You may discover that the contribution you make through the way you interact with others is the most satisfying part of your job. Or any job, for that matter.
One Last Point
Seeing purpose as something you already have and naturally share takes it out of the realm of time.
You can express your purpose at the age of 80 as surely as you can at 20. And, in most cases, age helps you mature and broaden your ability to do it.
I’m much more adept at helping people clarify and solve problems now than I was when I was younger. Experience has refined that ability, but the inclination was always there.
Age doesn’t inhibit your purpose. It helps you grow into it.
And most importantly, you can express your purpose right now. You don’t have to wait for some future accomplishment to fulfill it. It’s available to you to share in your next interaction with someone.
That’s all for today.
Have a great two weeks!
All my best,
Barbara