Blog Short #213: How to Stay Sane in a Chaotic World
Photo by primipil on iStock Photo
Today’s blog comes from a recent conversation with a young lady who was bemoaning the state of the world. The picture she presented was grim: wars, climate change, political upheaval, economic distress, and so on.
She felt her future was up in the air, literally and figuratively, and was second-guessing marriage, having children, or a career.
In her words, “The world is in chaos.” And she didn’t see it letting up any time soon, if ever.
This isn’t the first conversation I’ve had like this. I’ve heard similar complaints from people of all ages.
You may or may not agree with these characterizations, but that’s not today’s subject. What we’re addressing is how to deal with chaos.
Chaos can be global, as described above, but it can also come from personal experiences that upset your life. For example, a divorce or loss of a job. A sudden health issue. Death of a family member.
All these events can lead to both internal and external chaos and leave you on shaky ground.
How do you keep going when it feels like your environment is crumbling? How do you navigate chaos?
Let’s start.
1. Create order.
Create as much order in your immediate environment as you can.
For example:
- Establish daily and weekly routines.
- Make short-term goals and execute them.
- Plan ahead and use to-do lists to track your activities.
Do whatever you can to create a sense of order that you can count on. Be flexible. Allow for minor upsets, but overall, stick to your routines.
Brad Stulberg, author of a book called Masters of Change, calls these routines “daily and weekly anchors.” That’s an apt description.
Routines are soothing because you know what’s going to happen. You can automate them and take pleasure in accomplishing them.
Make sure that part of your routine includes self-care and something that makes you happy. For example, I get in bed and read fiction every night before turning out the lights. It’s a small pleasure I look forward to.
Include activities like that in your routines.
2. Focus on what you can control.
Identify the things you can control and put your energy into them. Each thing you accomplish will make you feel better.
Put the things you can’t control on the back burner or far into the background.
Everyone knows this one, but it’s not easy because your mind will likely continually flip to what you can’t control and ruminate about it.
When this happens, you’ll need to refocus and work on what you can manage. Any place you have individual agency, use it attentively and productively.
3. Give time to your relationships and social interactions.
Spend time with family and friends. Participate in social outings with people you enjoy.
These relationships are sources of meaning, belonging, empathy, and care.
It’s easy to become isolated when dealing with chaos or stress. When this happens, you may need to make more effort to be around people. Just make sure the people you choose are not sources of more negativity and fear.
It’s one thing to commiserate about your worries and disappointments – that’s validating. It’s another to focus primarily on what feels bleak.
4. Look for meaning and purpose.
You’ve seen pictures of a lotus flower floating on water, yes? It’s a metaphor. The pristine lotus floats atop murky, muddy water.
The symbolism is that out of chaos and darkness flows wisdom and light.
Applying that to our situation means transforming the negativity and foreboding of chaos into growth and wisdom.
It’s like watching someone declutter a messy room into perfect order, one item at a time.
The lotus idea comes from Buddhism. Viktor Frankl echoes this idea in his philosophy, tragic optimism, which is a mindset you should adopt.
You can read about it in his book Man’s Search for Meaning. But for our purposes, a quick sketch will suffice:
Instead of descending into total negativity or embracing positive toxicity, take a middle road. Accept the chaos and negative experiences that come to you, but look for opportunities within them to find a deeper sense of meaning.
In doing so, you remain hopeful and optimistic but not unthinkingly.
Suffering of any kind provides an opportunity to learn something.
That doesn’t mean you aren’t traumatized by some experiences or that you would ever wish for suffering. It means you can learn and try to find meaning in it.
5. Avoid input that focuses only on the negative.
Watch out for the tank rolling over the terrain with guns shooting from all sides. That tank can come in the form of news, chronically negative people, town criers, and militant bugles blasting.
Toxic negativity is built on fear, catastrophic thinking, and what-ifs.
These can come from outside, like the tank rolling along, or from inside, like your worries, anxieties, and worst-case scenarios.
It’s always good to be informed so you can plan for your safety, but if you consume a steady diet of scary what-ifs, you’ll be sure the world is ending—either the whole world, your world, or both.
Watch your consumption and always ask yourself what the motivation is for the source that’s feeding you. Is it really to inform or to scare you?
Set boundaries on people or sources that are fearmongers.
6. Keep yourself active, but be discerning.
Chaos and stress can easily lead to burnout and depression, which dissipates your energy and leaves you feeling like you can’t do anything.
Don’t succumb, and don’t wait to feel better to do something.
Continue to be active, but be choosey about what you do. When you’re anxious, do things that calm you. When you’re feeling lazy, do something active that stimulates you.
As we’ve mentioned, keeping daily routines helps. Sometimes, working on a small project you can finish generates a better mood and some energy.
Do something social, get outside, or go on an errand where you’ll be around people.
7. Be your best self.
During stressful times, it’s essential to live your values, be the person you want to be, act with conscience and integrity, and don’t succumb to unruly emotional reactivity.
It’s easy to become reactive when things are upside down rather than respond with thought. Take care to give yourself time to respond thoughtfully.
If you don’t meditate already, take at least ten minutes every day to sit and remind yourself of who you are, who you want to be, and how you want to meet the day’s challenges.
It helps to solidify your mindset in the morning before you begin. When you do that, you have an internal guide that stays with you all day and reminds you how you want to behave.
8. Embrace flexibility.
When times are rough, flexibility is crucial. Because no matter what you do, things will pop up and catch you off guard. Be ready to pivot.
If possible, embrace this value at all times. Flexibility doesn’t mean giving up your values but rather acclimating to the circumstances at hand. It makes life easier.
Last Note
It goes without saying, but I’m saying it anyway:
Take care of yourself. Sleep enough, eat well, exercise even if only ten minutes a day, meditate if possible, and find a small space every day for something you like.
Remember, all things pass.
That’s all for today.
Have a great week!
All my best,
Barbara