Blog Short #267: The Art of Getting Someone to Listen to You (and What Will Ensure They Don’t!)

April 10, 2026
Barbara Frazier
Blog Shorts

You have something important to discuss and want to be heard. How do you make that happen?

The answer depends on your audience. You’ll adjust your approach for your kids, partner, boss, friend, or store manager.

Still, some strategies work in every situation.

First, we’ll cover the best strategies, then move on to pitfalls to avoid, and finish with how to end the conversation.

Good Strategies to Use

1. Choose a good time when you know the person is available.

You won’t be able to have someone’s full attention if they’re pressed for time or preoccupied with something else.

The best way to ensure you have their attention is to check if they have time and energy to talk now. When your topic is important, timing matters. For casual conversations, it’s less critical.

If someone doesn’t have the time, you need to postpone it until they’re free to listen.

The best strategy is simply to ask. If the timing is off, ask when would be better and schedule it.

2. Start by orienting your listener to the topic.

Begin your conversation by briefly explaining the topic you’re going to address and why it’s important to you.

Keep it brief, but make sure the other person is on board and knows what you’ll be talking about. Above all, don’t begin in the middle of a conversation or engage in a long wind-up to the topic.

Don’t make your listener work to figure out what you’re talking about. Be clear. Spell it out.

3. Stick to one subject.

Get clear in your mind what topic you want to cover before starting, and stick to it.

Kitchen-sink conversations never go well. They’re confusing, create emotional distress, and lead to unnecessary irritability and defensiveness. Successful conversations cover one topic at a time.

If you’ve finished a topic and want to move on to another, announce it and make sure the other person is on board and wants to continue.

Minding the process is as important as making your points.

4. Summarize your main points as concisely as possible.

Provide information that’s necessary to understand what you’re saying and to make your point, but don’t add reams of irrelevant details.

Stay on point and avoid tangents. Be direct and clear.

5. Check in often and request feedback.

Pause frequently to check if they’re still with you and understand what you’ve said. Allow time for responses.

People stay engaged when they’re invited to participate in the conversation. Make sure you provide opportunities for feedback and responses, and listen closely. Show interest.

Your goal is to create a two-way conversation that holds each other’s interest.

6. Always use “I” messages when verbalizing your thoughts and feelings.

“I” messages matter most when sharing emotions.

When you say, “I felt angry when you (blank),” instead of “You made me angry when you (blank),” it’s more likely to be received.

Own your thoughts and feelings, even if they were triggered by someone else’s actions.

7. Pay attention to telltale signs that you’re losing the person’s attention and address them.

You can do this directly by observing: “It looks like I’m losing you. Am I being unclear, or are you pressed for time?”

By making an observation, you’ll bring their attention back and discover whether you need to shift your strategy or if they’re having a reaction that’s unsaid, or something else.

Part of being heard is maintaining a good connection with the other person. Keep the conversation open and collaborative.

8. Strive for clarity.

Be clear and deliver your words so the other person understands easily. Don’t make them work for it. Spoon-feed it.

What Not to Do

Now, here are a few things to avoid.

1. Don’t do a monologue.

A surefire way to chase someone away is to talk without breaks or regard for the other person’s time, feelings, or input.

Don’t hold someone hostage.

You’ll see signs: loss of eye contact, fidgeting, checking the time, suppressing a yawn, or rubbing the back of their neck. Stop and check in!

A good rule is to spend as much time listening as talking. If you do that, you’ll get more engagement and are more likely to be heard.

2. Avoid emotional dumping.

Expressing your emotions is fine and something that can be done well. But dumping everything out at once without coming up for air, or endless complaining, makes someone feel used and abused.

This is tricky because you do want to express your emotions. But to do that successfully, you need to be selective in both what you say and how you say it. The “what” should pertain to your main points, and the “how” should take into consideration the other person’s possible reactions.

You can deliver strong emotions constructively and without overload.

3. Never use personal attacks, insults, or condescension.

Showing disrespect reduces others’ willingness to listen.

Instead, you’ll raise their defenses and create a hostile environment, leaving both of you dissatisfied.

If the conversation becomes argumentative, pause and regroup. Take a break or discuss how to find a win-win solution.

Two people working on the same side to solve a messy problem is different from two people opposing each other with the goal of winning.

It may be that you need to listen to each other without direct debate and leave it for now, with a plan to come back later after you’ve both had time to think about what’s been said.

Whatever the case, be respectful!

How to End

Always thank the other person for listening and for their feedback. Do this regardless of whether there was agreement. In those cases, you can say something like, “You’ve given me something to think about.”

If they’ve given helpful advice or solved a problem, acknowledge it. Specify what they helped resolve and how. Be specific. People value knowing exactly what was helpful. It feels good, and they feel appreciated.

Aim for both of you to leave the conversation with something valuable, not just for your point to be heard.

When both sides gain value, your message will be heard and remembered by the other person.

You’ll also create or strengthen a relationship.

That’s all for today. Have a great two weeks!

All my best,

Barbara

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