Blog Short #208: 15 Quick Things You Can Do to Turbocharge Your Relationship
Photo by kupicoo, Courtesy of iStock Photo
If your relationship is cracking under the stress of everyday life, you can give it a shot in the arm in just a week.
Instead of analyzing it through a magnifying glass and lamenting what’s wrong, do the opposite. Give it some love with small acts that are easy to do yet provide a powerful infusion of energy and positivity.
They won’t solve all your problems, but they’ll create an atmosphere that makes it easier to approach them.
Here are fifteen ideas you can choose from. Add anything else you think can do the job.
The objective is to connect and lift the overall mood for both of you.
You can also use these strategies for other relationships when they apply.
1. Ask your partner how she feels today.
Listen intently with empathy and interest. Ask questions, but don’t offer solutions unless asked. Be present, make eye contact, turn off your phone, and give your full attention.
2. Wash the dishes after dinner.
Or you can choose something else you don’t normally do. Don’t make a big deal out of doing it, and don’t expect anything in return. Focus only on alleviating your partner’s stress.
3. Take care of the kids for a few hours to give your partner a break.
Let her do something she enjoys or have some alone time. It could be taking a nap, going somewhere with a friend, or reading on the back porch.
Make sure you do it with a cheerful attitude. Your kids will love it, too.
4. Verbalize three sincere affirmations about your partner.
Be authentic, and make sure you don’t deliver them with backhanded criticisms folded in. Mean what you say.
If you’re not used to complimenting your partner, they might not respond immediately because it feels strange initially, but do it anyway and just let it be. It’ll sink in and have a positive effect, even if not immediately.
5. Offer verbal appreciation for something your partner does.
This is slightly different than affirmations. Affirmations usually apply to someone’s personality characteristics or skills. In this case, focus on things your partner does, especially those that benefit you or your family.
The idea is to notice your partner’s contributions out loud. Verbalize one thing every day for a week.
This is a powerful tool to heal wounds. Everyone responds well to being appreciated.
6. Touch base with your partner during the day.
Make a phone call or send a text to say hi and check in. This doesn’t need to be lengthy. The purpose of this contact is to let your partner know you’re thinking about him.
7. When you go to work, leave a note.
You can say you hope your partner has a good day, or it can be something more personal. Make sure you leave it where they’ll find it.
If you’re staying home and your partner’s going to work, put it on the car dashboard, tape it to the window, or place it on top of papers in her briefcase.
8. Let your partner sleep in one day on the weekend.
Take over the kids, feed the dog, and bring your partner coffee in bed when he wakes up. Another idea is to make coffee in the morning for him before he gets up so it’s ready.
9. Watch a favorite movie or TV show together.
Make it a date night at home. Choose something you both want to see. Put the kids to bed, settle in comfortably in your favorite spots, and watch. Add some popcorn for fun!
10. Take a walk together outside and chat.
Walking outside together creates an instant change in environment that’s calming and removes the stress of work and home.
Walks set up an atmosphere for relaxed interchange. If you have a dog, take him along.
11. Offer a heartfelt apology for something you’ve done to distress or hurt your partner.
It doesn’t have to be long or drawn out, but it must be sincere and accompanied by making amends if needed.
Saying you’re sorry isn’t a hit to your ego. It’s a way to show genuine empathy for someone else.
12. Take something off your partner’s plate to relieve their stress.
It could be making an appointment, working from home to deal with the plumbing repair, or gassing up your partner’s car before the work week starts.
Ask what would help if you aren’t sure, but likely, you already know things that would help. The fact that you notice these things means as much as doing them.
13. Ask your partner what you can do to make her feel more loved.
This could become a more extensive discussion, but keep it simple. You could make a list for each other, giving both of you things to choose from.
Do one of these things each day for a week. You’d be amazed at the power this has to transform a relationship.
14. Avoid making sarcastic or critical remarks for an entire week.
At the same time, comment on something that’s going well once a day. Because we tend to notice the negative, verbalizing at least one positive observation daily is soothing to everyone.
15. Surprise your partner with plans to do something you both enjoy.
Buy tickets for a new movie, make reservations at a restaurant, or plan a day at the beach.
Choose something that doesn’t involve work for your partner to set up. Make it easy for them just to show up and go.
Use These Guidelines
All the ideas we’ve listed above are meant to help your partner feel seen and appreciated. These guidelines will help.
Give without expectations to receive.
When you do something for someone you think will make them happy, it’s easy to expect a particular reaction. And you might get that, but you might not.
Your partner could be overwhelmed, too tired or stressed to show much reaction, or surprised.
If you’ve rarely done some of these things, you might generate some suspicion as to your motives.
Whatever the case, do your best to give of yourself freely without expectations. The effect will be positive, even if it’s not immediately apparent.
Above all, don’t keep score!
Don’t try them all at once.
If you do that, you’ll surely raise suspicions and might overwhelm your partner.
Choose a couple to begin with. This will allow your partner to notice that something’s different and give them time to appreciate your effort.
Add in a couple each week if you like, or more if things are going well. Your goals are:
- To create more connection and closeness.
- Increase your mutual receptivity to each other.
- Show you care.
- Reduce negative trends such as resentment, distrust, and annoyance.
When you see a shift in the relationship and feel reconnected, tackling complex issues and working together will be easier and less polarizing.
Last Note
If you don’t have a partner, you can use these same ideas with a child if you’re a parent or someone you live with.
You can extract from them and use appropriate ones with family members and friends, especially if you need to lift the relationship.
A side benefit of these exercises is that you will increase your empathy and emotional intelligence as you practice them. It’s a win-win!
That’s all for today!
Have a great week!
All my best,
Barbara