Blog Short #197: Why You Shouldn’t Tell Everyone Your Dreams and Goals

Photo by RichVintage, Courtesy of iStock Photo

When you have a dream and something important you want to achieve, don’t shout it from the rooftop!

You’ll sabotage yourself before you start and have much less chance of succeeding.

There are three reasons this happens.

1. Not everyone has your best interest at heart.

When you have a great idea and are enthusiastic about pursuing it, who do you want to tell first?

Your partner, your family, your friends? Or maybe you want to blast it over social media and get kudos from everyone you know to encourage you.

Why not, right? Surely, all these people who love and know you will be supportive and wish you well. So you think!

But that isn’t always what happens. Some might do that, but others won’t.

Family members may give you lots of verbal encouragement and support while secretly thinking you won’t succeed.

They have preconceived ideas about you that may interfere with their faith in your ability to follow through.

Or they may find your idea weak, outlandish, or not interesting.

On the other hand, some family members have no compunction about playing the devil’s advocate.

By the time they finish telling you all the reasons you won’t succeed, you feel deflated and unsure about continuing.

A more sneaky approach is when they encourage you even when they believe what you’re embarking on isn’t a good idea.

You might get a “That’s great! Go for it!” while what they’re thinking is, “That’ll never work,” or “You won’t pull that off.”

Then there’s the lip service response, which is “Ah, that’s great,” with no real interest or support later on.

Family members and friends can be your biggest supporters. If so, tell them!

But not always, and it’s good to consider that before blabbing everything to everyone.

2. To avoid unnecessary competition.

A second consideration is that even those you’re close to sometimes envy your successes.

Maybe they’re not happy with where they are or aren’t feeling good about themselves, so they subtly sabotage you with comments or questions that minimize what you want to do.

This second response is more difficult to understand or notice because it’s often subtle and indirect.

Again, someone may become too involved by pointing out everything that could go wrong – the devil’s advocate – or react with a big smile yet never refer to it again. However, in both cases, part of them may not want you to succeed.

This can happen with close friends, family members, acquaintances, or colleagues.

You may have family members and friends who are authentically supportive and excited for you and offer to help.

But be careful.

3. You dilute your momentum.

If you’re someone who tends to get super excited about something up front but has difficulty sticking with it over time, telling everyone about your new idea will set you up for failure.

You may think going public will help you stay accountable, but that can backfire.

You may end up being held accountable for not following through.

It’s better to stay quiet, make your plans, and work on getting some traction and being well on your way before you go public.

Even then, be careful who you bring into your support circle. Make sure they can be supportive without jealousy, envy, or malintent.

Who can you tell?

This question has two parts: Who can you tell, and how much should you tell them?

1. Who?

You can tell someone you’re close to and have a history of receiving their unwavering support for your interests, talents, ideas, and well-being.

This person has your best interest at heart and is genuinely interested in and cares about you. It’s someone who has no need to compete with you but takes actual pleasure in your successes and supports you when you’re struggling.

Still, don’t tell someone you know isn’t going to be interested in what you’re doing, even if they are usually supportive.

Lukewarm responses are sabotaging unless given out of genuine concern for your success and suggestions to help.

Don’t let someone rain on your parade by saying, “Oh, that sounds good!” but nothing else.

A good person to tell is someone with expertise in what you want to do, like a mentor, who can help you create your plan and anticipate possible obstacles.

It can also be a colleague or friend who’s had similar experiences and knows the terrain.

A qualified teacher or mentor is invaluable when starting with something new.

2. How much?

Go slowly when deciding how much to tell.

You might lay out your entire idea and plan to the mentor or coach, but maybe less to anyone else.

Remember that you want to keep your momentum, and the more you spill, the more it can be diluted.

You feel people watching you, which drains some of your emotional energy. You may not feel that directly, but it’s there.

I’ve worked with an accountability partner, and that helped a lot.

It was useful because we were both working on something and helping each other stay on track. That added energy.

When you’re the only one being held accountable, the experience is entirely different. The spotlight’s on you, and that can hamper your performance and success.

In those cases, less is better, even with close friends you trust.

If you need regular help, go for the mentor/coach/teacher or an accountability partner.

All these people will help you stay on track and provide support while giving you added ideas and information to help you along the way.

When a family member or friend is a partner in your endeavor, the support is also mutual and helpful because you’re doing it together.

The Worst Place to Go Public

You guessed it: social media!

Social media sometimes reminds me of high school. Who’s the most popular? Who’s the smartest? Who has the greatest life?

Not all social media is bad, but too often, it’s used to compete, one-up, troll, tear down, and compare.

Not to mention, what you see is not what you get because what people post about themselves is, to a greater or lesser extent, skewed or fictionalized, or only a small piece of their lives.

If you post your new plan or goal on social media, many people may congratulate you, but that’s it. It doesn’t help you with your momentum and actually dilutes it.

Save that for when you’re ready to put up your business page to increase your sales or advertise your services. That’s a better use of social media.

Until then, just use it for entertainment or to keep in touch with people you know and like. But keep your idea to yourself!

One More Bit of Advice

We’ve been talking about telling people about something you want to do or achieve.

But let’s stretch that out a little and generalize it to simply sharing personal information.

Oversharing is not in anybody’s best interest – not yours or theirs.

Be selective about who you share personal information with. Take time to get to know someone before divulging too much about yourself.

You don’t need to be paranoid, but be sure the person you share your vulnerabilities with is trustworthy and emotionally intelligent enough to consider your feelings and protect your privacy.

We are connectors, and that’s wonderful unless you’re connecting with the wrong person.

Be slow to reveal your dreams and goals while building authentic, supportive connections you can trust and enjoy.

That’s all for today.

Have a great week!

All my best,

Barbara