Blog Short #196: How to Use Comparing Yourself to Help Rather Than Hurt
Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash
I’ve always been told not to compare myself to other people. “Just be yourself!” That’s the philosophy, right?
I’ve even written several articles defending that point of view, and it does have validity under certain circumstances.
However, I’ve changed my thinking about it more recently, which I’ll explain today.
There are times when comparison is helpful and times when it’s not. It all boils down to the intent behind engaging in it.
When Comparison is Beneficial
The benefits were clarified for me when I decided I needed some outside inspiration to become a better writer.
I love to write, and I’ve taken courses and read books about it, but reading the works of other writers has become a continuous source of inspiration and learning.
When I compare my writing to someone else’s for the purpose of learning and improving, comparison is highly beneficial. It provides:
- Inspiration. The writing moves me, offers a new take on an old subject, or challenges me to think.
- Education. As I read, I noticed the creative use of words, phrasing, development, and other writing techniques I can adopt when writing.
- Appreciation and Challenge. I gain an appreciation for my own writing style while being challenged to improve by using what I learn from other writers.
Comparison used with the intent to learn is very beneficial.
We do it all the time, often without recognizing that’s what we’re doing.
Anyone who’s striving to master a skill can’t help but compare themselves to others who are working at the same skill.
Some people are further along than you are, and some are behind you, but either way, you can use what you learn from both to improve your skills.
This brings us to the other side of the question.
When Comparison is Harmful
Let’s say that as I compare my writing to another writer’s, I not only notice where I have deficits but also internalize those observations as judgments of my performance.
Instead of being inspired and excited about learning something that will help me improve my skills, I use them to denigrate my performance and myself as well.
My self-talk sounds like this:
“I’m a terrible writer. I’ll never be able to write like that. Who am I kidding?”
“That’s depressing. I can’t possibly be as good as that, so why not just hang it up.
” Obviously, I don’t have the natural talent that guy has, and I never will.”
“I feel totally defeated.”
The difference between using comparison to benefit you as opposed to obliterating you lies in how you personalize it.
Once you use it as a measure of your worth, you’re done. There’s no place to go from there but down.
By personalizing it, you shrink down your sense of self to a single point. You:
- Forget your unique qualities.
- Lose your authenticity.
- Stifle your creativity.
- Lower your sense of worth.
- Dissipate your energy.
- Engage in distorted thinking.
The worst part of doing this is that it sets you apart from the creative world, and not in a good way.
You sink into a win-lose mindset and either lose because you’re not good enough or begin a path of denial and fantasy as you try to justify why you’re better.
Ideas and their expressions are infinite, but you must be willing to learn from others who’ve gone before you. Creativity is humble.
Here’s My Process to Illustrate
When I sit down to write an article, I start by writing off the top of my head, assuming I know the subject I want to address. This is my “ugly write,” which means I write all the way through without looking back.
Next, I peruse the Internet and read what others have written on the same subject. If I like something, I take notes.
When I’ve read enough, I turn to research studies that apply to the subject and take more notes. I may also have notes from books I’ve read that apply.
Then I create a more detailed outline. I don’t use what someone else has written verbatim, but I may pursue an idea I hadn’t thought of and add my own take to it as I write. This is where comparison comes in handy.
I wait a day and do a second draft.
Over the next several days, I do two edits. The first is a rewrite to make the content more concise and easier to assimilate. I run that through Grammarly for grammar and word choice checks.
The final edit is for proofing and removing any superfluous words or paragraphs that aren’t necessary to understand the subject.
You get the blog on Monday!
The Point Is . . .
It’s helpful to look at other people’s work – not because you want to copy it, but because it stimulates new ideas and inspires you to delve deeper into what you want to say.
Another benefit is that I’ve come to appreciate and take joy in seeing something well done, even if it isn’t my work.
There are so many talented people, and they have tons to offer if you’re humble enough to take advantage of them. It makes you better and strengthens your voice, regardless of the field you’re working in.
Approach Your Journey This Way
No matter what craft or skill you want to master, approach it as though you’re an apprentice.
Your teachers may be few or many. They can be other writers, artists, business experts, athletes, homemakers, or anyone with talent and skills in your field.
Teachers can also be experiences, research studies, books, or your daily news writer.
Open yourself up to the knowledge others can share with you. Let comparison be your friend and a source of infinite inspiration.
Then start on your path, and let it unfold as it presents itself. Don’t be too rigid.
Your job is to keep practicing and improving your skills.
When you approach others’ work without feelings of envy or jealousy and without beating yourself down, your creative world opens up like a giant candy shop, and it’s delightful!
Mastery is an ongoing and never-ending process, but it can be rewarding if you allow it to be. Open-minded comparison is a friend who can help you along the way.
One More Thing
Comparison not only applies to the pursuit of skills or talents. You might also use it to compare your personal qualities and characteristics with someone else’s.
In those cases, focus more on your authentic self and don’t try to be someone else.
At the same time, extract the most you can from who you are and what you have to work with.
We’re all on our own personal evolutionary paths, and each have valuable and unique contributions to offer.
You can still borrow what you learn from others and emulate those qualities you most admire, but not at the expense of your self-worth.
Use comparison for purposes of growth only, and it will be your friend.
That’s all for today.
Have a great week!
All my best,
Barbara