Blog Short #201: Getting Comfortable with Discomfort: A Skill That Makes Life Easier!
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How do you get comfortable with discomfort? Is it possible?
Yes, it is. You can learn to do it. But first, you have to know what it means.
Getting comfortable with discomfort means accepting uncomfortable situations as they arise without resisting them.
It doesn’t mean you enjoy them. But you meet them with a willingness to engage and respond to them with tolerance. Your reactions are constructive, and when possible, you find the silver linings they offer.
Let me give you some ideas and strategies I’ve found helpful to facilitate these steps.
1. Your Best Self
This strategy is my favorite and helps accomplish the others we’re reviewing today.
The best-self strategy is what it sounds like. In any given situation, pause and ask yourself this question:
How would my best self react to this situation? What are the thoughts, actions, and emotions that will align with my values and create a helpful response?
This isn’t a lightweight question. It takes some real thought, which is helpful because it engages your thinking brain and prevents you from getting dragged down by runaway emotions.
Your best self is your inner voice, which serves as your conscience and guide and, if you use it right, your friend.
That said, make sure your best self doesn’t feel like a hammer beating you up. It should inspire confidence as you visualize what and who you strive to be.
It feels good to watch yourself rehearse how you want to respond to any situation with the best of who you are.
That in itself is inspiring, even when what’s coming at you is ugly or anxiety-provoking.
Now for the second strategy.
2. Act Deliberately With Intention
The second strategy is to ensure that when you feel uncomfortable but need to respond, you act with deliberation and intention.
Reactivity is usually immediate and emotional and occurs without much reflection.
Sometimes, that’s beneficial because the situation calls for it. But most times, it’s not. It’s better to step back and think before acting.
When you ask your best self how to respond, and think carefully about your goal, you act with intention.
You know what you’re trying to accomplish and why, and you proceed in a manner you’ll feel good about later. You’re acting in line with your values and principles.
Sometimes, your response may be to take no action. For example, you might react with silence if someone is overly critical or nasty because it’s the best response. Or you might set a boundary or leave.
Depending on what’s happening, taking the time to consult your best self and then decide on a deliberate response will keep your sense of self intact and consistent.
The silver lining is that dealing with discomfort is often a means of growth and learning for everyone involved.
For example, you might give someone something they need even if they don’t want it. When you meet someone’s meanness with silence or kindness, they get something positive even as they repel it.
You get something, too. You get the satisfaction of acting in a way that aligns with who you are and who you want to be. It strengthens rather than weakens you.
You can also use that idea to help you decide how to respond. Ask yourself:
Is how I’m thinking of responding going to strengthen or weaken me in the long run?
Now, the third strategy.
3. Stay Clear on Your Responsibility
Discomfort can arise from resisting responsibility. This can take two forms:
- Not living up to your responsibilities through avoidance, denial, procrastination, or all of the above.
- Blurring the lines between your responsibilities and those that belong to someone else.
Both situations weaken your resolve. They’re not in line with your best self.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take time to relax, rest, and shore up your energy. You have a responsibility to yourself to do that.
But when action is needed, you must respond in the best way possible. Again, with deliberation and intention.
The key here is to not avoid your responsibilities. And when you consult your best self, you don’t have any problem figuring that out or knowing what to do.
Blurred lines of responsibility is a more complex problem because it’s more likely to involve messy emotional issues such as:
- Worrying about someone’s welfare and not letting them learn lessons independently.
- Taking up the slack for someone’s avoidance because things need to be done.
- Responding to misplaced guilt when you don’t take care of everyone and everything.
Any of those practices have negative repercussions.
From a psychological standpoint, they wear away and weaken your intention because a part of you knows they’re not in the best interest of you or the other person. They perpetuate bad habits and negative outcomes.
Again, what does your best self tell you in these situations? What’s best for you and the other person?
When you’re honest with your answers, you know what shifts you need to take.
Anytime you ignore what you know to be right or the best action, you weaken yourself.
Temporary help is fine, but long-term help that plays to someone’s weaknesses isn’t good for anyone.
Now for the last strategy.
4. Live Consciously
This strategy encompasses all the others.
Living consciously means paying attention.
It’s easy to lapse into the daily grind, going through the routines, collapsing in the evening in front of the tube or a screen, and doing it all over again the next day.
It’s hard not to do that. It takes energy to keep your self-awareness sharp and to consider with any real thought how you’re living or what you’re doing.
But, depending on how old you are, you probably have noticed that the longer you live, the faster time goes. Here’s a quote from Steven K. Scott that puts this in perspective:
The average adult in America only lives for 3,950 weeks. If you’re 30 years old, you’ve already used 1,560 of those weeks. If you’re 40, you’ve used 2,080, and if you are 51, you may only have 1,300 weeks left.
Sobering, huh?
Living consciously means being aware of the value of your time and using it to live your principles, fulfill your purpose(s), deepen essential relationships, and conduct your life in ways you approve of and feel good about.
To do that, it helps to carve out a small piece of time daily to ask yourself how you’re doing and if you lived your best self today.
Naturally, no one lives their best self every day, but everyone does have the opportunity to review and make improvements so that the general direction is positive.
Attempting to live consciously is rewarding because doing even a little of it encourages doing more. It’s a muscle that grows quickly when you exercise it.
It’s relieving, too. When you keep your consciousness a little removed from the activity of daily life—enough to observe it—you gain some control, which always feels good. You take yourself off autopilot.
It puts you in the driver’s seat, gives you hope, and inspires you to evolve. It’s energizing.
A Quick Story
Let me tell you a quick story:
I took these last several weeks off because I was on vacation. But the first night of my vacation, I had a sore throat and continued getting sicker over the next week.
I spent the whole vacation feeling ill and certainly wasn’t happy about it, but there was a silver lining. I was forced to rest, which I needed.
I binge-watched episodes of the 1950s Andy Griffith Show amidst naps on the couch. In the process, I was reminded of the importance of being kind to each other and honoring our differences.
From there, the ideas in this blog popped up unbidden in my head, and I was able to draft it.
There’s always something to learn or recognize when facing discomfort. The question is, will you take advantage?
That’s all for today!
Have a great week.
All my best,
Barbara